Jeanann Verlee

Author's Statement

To be awarded an NEA fellowship is staggering. I am currently finalizing my third poetry manuscript, which focuses on trauma and survival of emotional and sexual predation, while simultaneously continuing my work writing toward mental health issues. That my poetry has been deemed impactful and promising enough to support is unbelievably affirming. Daunting, however, is the expectation this award poses: to continue evolving.

When I spoke to my father about this honor, he reminisced about how, as a young child, I would share elaborate stories I had contrived (often wearing pieced-together costumes). He posited that I’ve been working toward this my entire life. I consider the many shelves of notebooks I’ve filled since; the decade I stopped writing and the lies I told myself to allay my shame; the communities across the US, namely within New York City, who welcomed me when I resurrected my pursuit of poetry; the partners who preferred me silent; the partners who sought to share credit for my work; the peers who consider me undeserving; the miles of rejections; all the times I refused to stay fallen. Each is a milestone. And now? I keep working.

Financially—as one who has lived paycheck-to-paycheck throughout her working life, who grew up knowing the strain on a family wavering between working class and poverty, familiar with words like “foreclosure,” “pawn,” and “hand-me-down” at an early age—I am utterly overwhelmed by this grant. This will allow me to address both healthcare and practical needs that have long gone neglected, and to facilitate my career through travel, research, editing, and above all—by offering relief from constant financial anxiety—an unburdened mental space for writing. My gratitude to the NEA panel is immeasurable.