Finding Resilience through Music: A Conversation with Veteran Juleaka “Brownie” Brown

U.S. Army veteran Juleaka “Brownie” Brown has been around the military her entire life. She was born on an Air Force base in Columbus, Mississippi. Growing up, she spent time on her grandparents’ farm in Mississippi while her father was stationed in Japan, and her mother worked as a school teacher. As a military dependent, she traveled the world with her family to such places as Turkey, Israel, and Switzerland.

When she returned to Mississippi in high school, she experienced culture shock. “Everything I learned growing up in the military where I was experiencing a mix of people and cultures from other countries was gone,” she explained. “It felt like everything was a couple of decades behind. Separation was the norm there.” Upon graduation, she went to the Mississippi University for Women. There, she experienced the harsh realities of state’s culture of separation. “One day, I got really fed up because of how I was treated,” she said. “I gave a Chinese guy a ride to the grocery store so he could buy water. And the fact that I went in with him and the way people treated me and reacted, I said to myself, ‘I need to leave.’” The next day, there was a job fair at her university, and an Army recruiter was there. “I asked the recruiter, ‘Can you get me out of Mississippi?’ and they said yes,” she explained. “And I told them, ‘I’m ready. I’ll go.’ I wanted to get away from my environment. I wanted to travel and see the world.”

After just over 23 years in the Army as a dental technician, she has found music therapy and playing the cello as a transformative part of her recovery journey from years of undiagnosed head injuries and trauma. Participating in music therapy and art therapy services at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson (JBER) put her on a path to managing her thoughts and anxiety and finding joy and resilience through playing the cello. “At home, when my mind starts going to a bad place, I'll practice the cello and pluck some strings,” she said. “Something about the sound, the vibrations of the cello, it’s very soothing and calming, even if I'm not good at playing. The biggest benefit for me is that it redirects my thoughts from a bad place.” 

NEA: I’m inspired by your recovery journey through music. I'd love to know as much as you're comfortable sharing.

JULEAKA "BROWNIE" BROWN: I'm not a graceful person. In the past, I’d find myself getting caught in the wrong spot. During my career, I had mishaps like following off of a cliff. Once, my head got caught between logs during a race. And they told me, “Just keep running, keep running.” I had a lot of concussive moments. Some of them I wasn't even aware of until I saw my medical records years later. I learned that the Army sometimes didn't necessarily share our diagnosis with us. I learned this when I was going through the program at JBER.

I started noticing, later in my career, that I was not able to remember things. There was a shift in my personality around 2014. Then I stopped sleeping, and I realized that I was angry a lot. I had a lot of headaches. Once I was at a joint base, I started getting diagnosed. There are a lot of services available at a joint base, especially through the Air Force. I was first at Joint Base San Antonio, where I started getting treatment, and things started getting well annotated, and I learned what was wrong. In the past, I had complaints, and the response I would receive was, “Just take this med,” or I was given a profile. Nothing was ever really done. Ultimately, my condition progressed and continued to get worse. Then I started having problems with my brain. I’ll know what I want to say, but I can't figure out how to get it to come out, and it becomes discombobulated.

NEA: After San Antonio, you ended up in Alaska at JBER?

BROWN: Getting stationed at JBER was a good thing. The neurologist at JBER suggested music therapy and art therapy. I also participated in the mental health program because I was ready to. I was introduced to the Intensive Outpatient Program, in which they discussed traumatic brain injuries (TBI), the signs and symptoms of TBI, and what would help with the symptoms of TBI. It started with speech and cognitive therapy during music therapy with Heather Morrison and Danielle Kalseth. Then I did art therapy to see how to get my emotions out onto paper. Everything I was taken through gave me tools to use. When I went back to active duty, I had little stickers with reminders like “stop and listen.” One of the tools I learned was to listen effectively, ask questions, paraphrase, and try to recall what someone was saying. Stopping to think about what you're trying to say was another tool. When my brain is racing, it helps to stop and organize my thoughts and then proceed.

NEA: And the music therapy also included playing instruments?

BROWN: I started out playing the ukulele during music therapy with Danielle. I remember telling her that for some reason the sound of the cello has always been my favorite. I thought that I’d never have the opportunity to play the cello. One day Danielle had a cello in her room, and she noticed that I kept looking. She asked if I wanted to try it. I tried the cello, and I seemed to pick it up better than I did with the ukulele.

When we started the cello, because it's an acoustic instrument and it has vibrations, I found that those vibrations were really soothing. As a result, my mind would be focused on that, on the instrument, and those really bad thoughts that I would have wouldn't be there because I was so focused and feeling the vibrations from the instrument. Once I completed the individual music therapy sessions, Danielle suggested I join the jam group with the cello.

NEA: What’s it like performing in the music therapy jam group?

BROWN: At first, I was so nervous because playing the cello meant that I would be put in the front of the band because I wasn't plugged in like the guitars in the group. After the first session, I realized it was so much fun. I've noticed that even though I get super nervous, I get hyped up, and I have more energy. My mood improves, especially as I’m able to keep up with the others in the jam group.

NEA: Tell me more about your cello playing and how it's evolved.

BROWN: When I started playing cello in the jam group, I began using YouTube videos to learn more about playing the instrument. I learned more about using the bow and different positions on the strings. Then I had the good fortune of seeing a concert with the Portland Cello Project (PCP). I took my antique opera glasses to the concert, so I could zoom in to try to see their hands and fingers to notice and learn what they were doing. I was so focused. After the concert, I met Kat Moore, who helped bring PCP to Anchorage. 

When I met Kat, I told her I would really love to learn more about playing the cello. And as a result, I started taking private cello lessons with her. I get more out of private lessons than watching YouTube videos. Since I don't have a background in music like some of my jam group buddies, I didn't know how to adjust in the moment while playing. Kat has been teaching me how to adjust and more about the different ranges and techniques on the cello. We're also working on recital pieces. I’m currently working on “Lux Aeterna” by Clint Mansell from the movie Requiem for a Dream.

NEA: What advice would you give to other veterans or active-duty service members about the benefits of music therapy, or to anyone interested in music therapy in general?

BROWN: Don’t be closed off to it. Be open to giving it a try. Before my encounter with music therapy, I didn't know the benefits and effects that it could have. If I could talk to commanders, I would tell them, “Music therapy could be really beneficial for your soldiers.” We have a lot of airborne soldiers at JBER. Music therapy can help with the effects of concussions that many soldiers incur as a result of bad jumps. They need to know it works.

NEA: Zooming out from music therapy, how has music, in general, changed your life?

BROWN: Now, when I hear music, in movies, or when I am out and about, I listen in a different way. I listen to what instruments are actually playing. I imagine how the notes would be played on the cello. When I hear music, it's like my mood shifts because I'm focused. I’m focused on thinking, “What can I pick up from there? What can I apply to what I've already learned?” When I'm watching movies, I think about how an orchestra should be playing to create a mood in the film. 

I like trying to be able to identify songs I hear. I have a tendency to get very anxious when I go into stores, especially grocery stores. And I won't go out a lot, but if I'm out and I hear music playing, if it's something familiar, then my brain can go to fun times. Then my anxiety level doesn't stay as high, and it kind of comes down.

NEA: Is there anything else you’d like to share? 

BROWN: I'm glad that I ended up getting sent to Alaska and had to do an additional three years in the Army before I could retire. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet Danielle and the team and learn how art therapy and music therapy could help me, especially music therapy, which I'm continuing. I would've never had that experience or exposure I had.

I like that Danielle’s not a music teacher, that she's a music therapist. She knows how to help with the psychological part of where some of us can be … in a low place. When we’re with her, it’s our safe zone. We know that we can share things that we may be experiencing. Danielle helps you find the light at the end of that dark, dark tunnel. I'm so glad I got to meet her.

Music therapy and art therapy at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson are a part of the Creative Forces: NEA Military Healing Arts Network. 

 Santina Protopapa is an arts education leader, musician, record collector, storyteller, and media maker who has been a member of the Creative Forces team since 2020.